Roles in marriage and why they matter

Marriage, more than other types of emotional relationships, exists in a very practical realm. Because of this, efficiency often demands a division of labor in some areas. This is where roles come in. They don't have to be defined by gender but rather by choice, temperament and necessity. Of course roles can be flexible and re-negotiated over time. This is one of the areas that we can cover together in our PreMarital Counseling sessions.

Who determines the roles in your marriage?

The good news is that the two of you are in charge of choosing your roles. Maybe one person does the cooking and the other prefers doing laundry. It doesn't matter who does what, but it does matter that you have a game plan. This will help you avoid confusion, chaos and power struggles.

Can I change my role if I don't like it?

Roles in marriage should be flexible and evolve over time. In that regard, roles are like clothes, you try it out to see how it fits. You get to choose.

How can PreMarital Counseling help me?

Division of labor and roles seem like a no brainer but can be an unexpected stumbling block in marriage because unspoken expectations can lead to disappointment. PreMarital Counseling helps you explore this idea in advance of marriage. It will also give you the communication skills to negotiate gently when you want to tweak your roles in a new direction after you're married.

Marital roles and children ~ How does that work?

When a Couple is childfree there is a lot of freedom to experiment with roles and chores. Once babies come into the picture there is often a need for re-negotiating roles because there is more fatigue, more tasks and less time.  The emotional negotiation skills that you learn in PreMarital Counseling will prepare you to ease through this phase with some comfort and joy.

Dona Laressa Desmond, PhD, LMFT

PreMarital Counselor & Couples Therapist